


Cry

by NotThatSpooky



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Consensual Non-Consent, F/M, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Pidge is 18+
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2019-08-11 10:37:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16473947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotThatSpooky/pseuds/NotThatSpooky
Summary: After a traumatic experience, Pidge has an unorthodox and... difficult request for the one person she trusts more than anyone else.





	1. Cry

**Author's Note:**

> The idea for this came to me in a dream and it _seemed_ like a good idea at the time...  
>  Was it actually a good idea?  
> Probably not, but here we are :))

Shiro never liked to play the bad guy.

Even in video games he only chose the most noble routes. And in real life especially he found it hard to do anything less than what he thought was right. If you were lucky, the most you could get him to do was turn a blind eye.

But there was an exception –  _one_  exception. And it’d been a tedious process to get there.

She first came to him with a simple yet heartbreaking request.

“You…you want me to hurt you.” It teetered on the edge of a question, but there was nothing to ask.

More than a couple late nights he spent fretting over the very idea itself while Pidge did everything she could to assuage his fears. Every angle – ethical, logical or otherwise, she had it covered – and while his heart still begged him to refuse, he did agree in the end. Once every variable, doubt, loose end, and fault had been combed through again and again, only then did he agree.

They sat on the floor of his room, Shiro’s mug of herbal tea – chamomile, or something like it – was empty, but he didn’t put it down. Just held it in his hands as the thoughts in his head kept churning.

“Shiro, listen, you really don’t have to. I would never make you…”

“I know, I know.”

Refusal wasn’t an option, no matter how much Pidge offered it as one.

“If it’ll help you,” he said, “then I want to. I just…” He couldn’t think of what to say other than it felt wrong. What kind of monster would intentionally hurt someone they loved?

“What if I can’t do it?”

Pidge laid her head against his shoulder, her eyelids drooping.

“Then,” she said, “You tried. That’s all I can ask.”

He still wished she hadn’t asked, that she didn’t need this. But he’d sooner chew his own leg off than let her wounds fester and rot when there was something he could do about it. Even worse would be to let anyone  _else_  play the part for her, though he knew she wouldn’t do that to him.

At least if it was him, he’d know she was safe. And if something went wrong, at least he had some control over that.

The first time, naturally, was the hardest. He didn’t think he’d be able to go through with it, but he adjusted to the role, with friction at first, yet still easier than he liked. Even worse, he didn’t hate it…  

At least she didn’t ask often – heavens forbid he start to enjoy it…

When she approached him, she was never herself. Anyone could see that. She’d become a shadow.

Poring over every battle recording housed in the castle database, he felt her presence inches behind him. He stopped the playback and gave her his full attention.

She looked so small standing there, the discomfort in her face, the quiet panic in her eyes, her hands wringing together at her hips. It reminded him of cornered prey… nothing like the Pidge he knew.

Shiro opened his hands and she crawled into his lap, her feet dangling on either side of the floating chair.

“Are you okay?” He didn’t know why he asked.

“I…uh…” she tried. She stared at his torso and swallowed hard, shoulders tensing. “Can you…? I mean…”

Shiro took both her hands and squeezed them gently.

“Are you sure?” he whispered, and her head bobbled without missing a beat.

Everything inside her felt off…out of place. Her throat was heavy, her chest felt cold and hot, her guts itched, her mind was coated in tar, her limbs felt like stones… And all she wanted to do was cry.

He held back a sigh. “Okay.” He touched his lips to her forehead, but didn’t let go. Just kept her there, as if holding her like this could make everything better if only he willed hard enough. It didn’t, and eventually he let her leave.

Besides him, the only who knew the real extent of what that Galra snake of a General did to her was Allura, and that was more so out of necessity than choice. Even Hunk and Lance didn’t know everything. She couldn’t bear to have them treat her any differently. It’d taken weeks just for her to tell  _him_.

-

It started by finding Pidge asleep, or half asleep, bleary eyed in her bed.

Shiro paused outside her room, a clear bottle of something in his hand, and steeled himself with a deep breath. He activated the touch pad and the door opened with a soft  _whoosh_  before closing behind him.

He crossed the threshold to where Pidge lied tangled in her sheets, a nightlight streaking shadows all around. He set the bottle on the nightstand – “It’s like Gatorade,” Hunk had said, “for replacing electrolytes.” Whatever it was, it seemed to do the trick, though it was meant for after workouts…not this.

Then as gently as he could, he stripped the bed covers away before climbing on top of her. She stirred in her sleep, her eyes creeping open but unfocused. He cupped her face in one hand, gripping her just tight enough to get her attention.

Her face slid into a weary frown. She tried to get up, but his hold had her pinned. She tried again, and his metal hand covered her mouth.

“Don’t fight,” he said as her eyes widened, her feet and arms seeking purchase to throw him off or get him to let go.

He’d taught her how to get away from opponents twice his size, but he also knew exactly how to counter them, and he knew her. With only her strength to fight him, she was helpless.

The rest happened quickly – strong-arming her out of bed, a fistful of auburn hair shoving her face-first to the floor, tearing off her shorts while holding her down.

With her mouth free, she tried pleading, “Shiro! Stop! I don’t want to do this anymore! Please!”

He continued unfazed.

“You know how to make this stop,” he said with neither malice or kindness. Only as a matter of fact.

“Shiro, please!” she tried again, straining to catch her breath, but he grabbed her by the neck and pressed his mouth to her ear.

“No.”

“I don’t want to do this!”

He yanked her shirt over her head and it gave her just enough leeway to break free and  run, but he was still faster and he ripped her off balance.

“Then stop me. You know how.”

She turned her head and her eyes met his. The moment struck her like lightning, and she froze like a deer in headlights before clawing and kicking with renewed fervor. If she could just get out from under him… if she could just throw him off…

In reality, she had two options: give the safeword – tap it out if she couldn’t speak – or cry.

She choked on air, her breath unnaturally fast, “I ca-…I can’t… Please Shiro!” She was starting to crack.

He ignored her, instead noisily unbuckling his belt and unzipping his pants, knowing the sound would spur her to fight that much harder.  And she did, but he gathered her wrists behind her back and kicked her legs apart.

“No, no, no no no Shiro please…” Pidge begged. “Please, please I can’t, please.”

He pressed on a ring-shaped device secured around the base of his mostly flaccid length, and with a faint click, it both sheathed and engorged him. In seconds, he was completely erect – clever little thing.

He licked the fingers of his flesh hand before shoving them between her ass cheeks and she gasped, her babbling becoming less and less coherent as he spread her open and finally buried himself inside her.

She didn’t cry out, just tensed and groaned at the sudden invasion. And again when he pulled out, only to plunge back in, past any resistance her sphincter gave him.

He could feel her trembling under him, he could see it.

“Come on, Katie,” he urged, managing to mask any emotion he might’ve felt. She shook her head like a petulant child and bit her lip against the pin-pricks of tears at her eyes. She felt her ears and face growing flush… and that dreaded hint of pleasure starting to mix with the pain.

“Come on.”

He flipped her onto her back, folding her in half as he entered her again, now grinding into her at an even, mechanical pace. His prosthetic hand latched around her throat, tightening as he forced her to look him in the eyes.

He could see hers glossing over as she stared through him, her lips parted, the muscles in her neck straining as she tried to pry his hand away. He wouldn’t suffocate her – of course he wouldn’t – but he could make her feel like he would.

He pulled out again, slowly, the head still positioned at her now gaping hole. He watched her chest rise and fall unevenly. She was in limbo, and he gave her just long enough to feel like maybe, maybe it was over…

Then with all his weight behind him, he speared her one last time.

And that did it.

Katie screamed, and Shiro’s hand on her throat flew to her mouth as he jumped off her. He grabbed her discarded pillow and forced it into her hands. She used it to muffle herself and curled around it, sobs scraping over her throat, sloughing off every ounce of pain hidden in every crevice of her being into her voice.

Shiro fell back against the nearest wall, his face suddenly teeming with exhaustion while he smoothed a hand through his black and white hair. He took off the ring and tossed it. He couldn’t avoid watching her, collapsing like a supernova, though he did try. He had to stop himself from reaching out; he’d learned the hard way not to touch her… not yet. Only when the sobs subsided would it be safe. But the moment it was, he swaddled her in his arms, nuzzling and kissing wherever he could reach.

“You’re okay, Katie. You’re okay,” he murmured into her hair, “You’re safe. You’re safe… I’m not gonna hurt you. No one’s gonna hurt you.”

She peeled herself away from the pillow, gasping between lingering sobs as she burrowed into the safety of his chest. Her fingers clawed at him to pull him closer. She needed all of him, she needed all of him to be closer…

He leaned over to pull the sheets from her bed and wrapped them around her, still holding her like she’d fall apart the instant he let go.

Being the one to hold her like this, to ease her back into a state of normalcy, back to being herself… He’d be lying if he said he didn’t get something out of it.

“Takashi…” She already sounded hoarse. She probably wouldn’t be able to speak tomorrow. “…Thank you. I’m sorry.”

He shushed her. “Don’t. Don’t thank me. We’ve talked about this. And you don’t need to be sorry.”

“But you-”

“I know what you’re gonna say. This isn’t about me. All you need to do right now is rest. That’s all you need to do. I’ve got you.” He punctuated his words with a kiss to her tear-streaked face.

Everything in her felt worn and sore, but the nagging… “badness” was gone. Things felt more like they were supposed to, less wrong and weird and out of place. Like something she couldn’t see or feel had been… reset. Even if only temporary, it felt something like relief.

Shiro picked her up and settled on the bed before finally giving her the drink he’d brought in. Though she grimaced at the taste, she forced down a few gulps while he lied beside her, a protective arm on her at all times – he would not leave Pidge till morning.

Whether right or wrong, it was over. No more pain. Not tonight.

Even though the last thing he ever wanted was to hurt her…if, somehow, it could help her heal, help her feel whole again, he could make an exception – he could play the bad guy…

…once in a while

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I almost scrapped this completely because I had a really hard time writing it in a way that didn't turn Shiro into a sadist. But I'd already put way too much effort into it, so I had to finish and hope for the best.
> 
> Chapter 2 is a lot less heavy


	2. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some feel-good smutty aftercare. Takes place immediately after the first part. Think of it as sort of a palate cleanser, if you will.

Just when he thought she was finally asleep, he felt her squirming beside him, and the faintest sound…a moan that sounded suspiciously like…

“Shiro.”

His eyes cracked open before closing again, and he turned on his side towards her.

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” he mumbled and curled his arm around her.

Pidge shifted in his grasp, toeing the blanket off her.

“Can’t…”

He opened his eyes again and brushed his hand over her naked arm. “What’s the matter?”

“I need you.”

She snuggled her closer. “I’m right here, Pidge. I’m not going anywhere.”

“No,” She felt for his hand and brought it to her exposed belly, then down…down… “Here.”

“Oh…” Just grazing her slit, he could feel how wet she was.

Pidge turned towards him, finding the curve of his jaw. “Please?” Her breath was hot against him.

How could he refuse?

He let his fingers drift over her, up and down, then palming her swollen clit. She let out a satisfied groan and pressed her hips against him. She couldn’t take this much longer.

“I need you inside me. Please,” she whimpered. Her fingers hooked onto his shirt so she could kiss his collarbone.

He returned the gesture before turning her away from him. She certainly knew how to get what she wanted.

He pulled down the waistband of his pants, discarding them from the bed completely, then pulled his erection free of his shorts.

She was already presenting herself to him and his appreciative hands squeezed the soft flesh of her hips.

He pressed into her drooling lips, easing his way in.

“All the way,” she pleaded and he pushed further in till he reached her cervix.

“Stay like that.” Pidge ground her hips in slow circles, relishing in the fullness he made her feel and practically purred as his fingers toyed with her clit in the same lazy rhythm.

“Good?”

“Mmm…” She started to nod but it shifted to her stretching and nuzzling the pillow. Shiro smiled and let her continue, his hips soon undulating almost subconsciously in time with her.

His fingers drew patterns over and around the sensitive nub peaking out from under its hood, teasing it, and her sighs got a little higher, more eager, and shameless noises escaped her tender throat.

He encouraged her with a kiss to her shoulder.

“Ta…kashi,” she keened before clenching and shuddering around him.

He rode it out with her, waiting until the squeezing stopped before he pulled out, slick with her fluids, though it took all his self-control not to orgasm himself.

“Feel better?” He smiled and she gave him a sleepy smile back.

“Much better,” she turned and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“You could’ve come too, you know,” she said, her lips pushed into a pout.

“It’s better if I don’t. Not worth the risk.”

“Hmm.” She smushed her face into his chest and mumbled. “Always such a good boy, Shiro.”

He snorted in surprise. Really? After everything that led them to this bed together. “I don’t know about that, Pidge.”

She giggled and kissed him again. “You sure you don’t want me to help with that?” She reached down and fingered the head of his straining cock.

“Katie,” he chided, but she pretended not to hear him and hid her smile under his chin.

“You can say no. I promise I’ll stop.” She would if he did. But she also knew he wouldn’t tell her to. She wrapped him in her fist, sliding over the hard flesh up and down. He wouldn’t last long.

He growled in protest, but didn’t stop her.

“You can cum on my belly,” she added, as if he really needed more convincing. But he relented and let her finish him off till he painted her soft skin white with a grunt, his dick twitching in her hand.

Once he caught his breath, he leaned away from her to get a better look.

“You know, this was supposed to be about you.”

“It is. I like when you cum for me.”

He leveled his gaze with hers and she tried to hold back a grin. “What am I gonna do with you?” he asked as he cupped her cheek, his thumb brushing over her bottom lip.

“Well…you could clean me up first,” she laughed and he paused to look down at the mess he’d made.

“Right. I can do that.”

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: I almost scrapped this completely because I had a really hard time writing it in a way that didn't turn Shiro into a sadist. But I'd already put way too much effort into it, so I had to finish and hope for the best.
> 
> There may be a (much less heavy) Chapter 2.


End file.
